Swamiye Sharanam Ayyappa!

A close non-malayalee friend of mine asked me what was my reaction to the Supreme Court verdict on allowing women to Sabarimala temple. I said I have mixed feelings! And she asked me why mixed feelings?

I am 48, have a lot of grey hair and am medically cleared to go to Sabarimala (thanks to an early partial hysterectomy at the age of 40).

So why haven't I made the trip in the last 8 years? I don't know! It definitely wasn't the belief that women should go there only after menopause. I didn't feel the need to rush! Or was I waiting for some more time just to be compliant? I am not sure. It was OK for me to sit and pray to him from home.

I believe in god. I pray. I visit temples.

How did I become a believer? Mostly because of what my parents and elders taught and told me when I was a child. Somewhere, there was also a bit of a pressure and fear put into me at a young age to follow the customs as dictated. And I was not one of those who questioned those. 

I continue to follow some of the practices, but differently now. I follow only those practices that gives me mental peace.

When I am in my ancestral village, I go to a number of temples (my daughters call them temple runs). There are multiple reasons why I do that. Now I just like going there, it makes me feel content! The smell, the lamps, the environment - they bring back peace and happiness! It is a trip back to some lovely memories of my parents. It is touching to watch my younger brother, who is an ardent believer, surrendering himself to god! It just feels nice, it feels as if I am following an unwritten duty to myself!

So back to the question on Supreme Court verdict. When I first heard about this appeal, my first reaction was is this really what women empowerment in India/Kerala needs to focus on.

As I started reading and thinking about it, I felt I may not have given this enough thought. I also went through a number of WA posts, videos and arguments in FB which were absolutely crazy.

I remember my father going to Sabarimala religiously for 25 years. At that time, it was next to impossible for a woman to travel to Sabarimala - physically difficult to make that trip. I remember my mother sitting in a closed room and not touching anything during her periods when my father was on the 41 day vrutham (fast/vow). Over a period of time, I have seen this practice going away.  Who could afford so many leaves (my mom was a teacher), who would cook for the family when my mom was inside the room (I don't think my father even knew how to make tea!!). I have also seen my male relatives going to Sabarimala without the 41 day vrutham off late. Things changed to suit our way of living.

I come from Taliparamba, home to the famous Sri Raja Rajeswara temple. Women are allowed inside the temple only at night and on Maha Sivarathri. Till recently, I didn't think of it as a gender bias. I followed the custom dutifully! These customs have been ingrained in me so much that I have been following them blindly! I felt gratified that I have the opportunity to go inside at night.

I am glad, this verdict has made me look at these customs differently.  Though there is a nagging doubt from what I have been taught and told for 40+ years, I now think, it is fair to give equal rights to women to go to any place of worship. There comes the mixed feelings!

I sent my daughters to Sabarimala when they were 9 years old. I am really glad that they now have an option to choose based on what they believe in. It isn't a small win!!!

I want to go to Sabarimala a second time with my cousin - she and I climbed the mala (hill) when we were 9 years old! It was great fun! I know I can't recreate that magic, but reliving that beautiful journey will definitely bring some happiness!

Shraaddham

Śrāddha or Shraaddha is a Sanskrit word which literally means anything or any act that is performed with all sincerity and faith (Śraddhā). In the Hindu religion, it is the ritual that one performs to pay homage to one's 'ancestors', especially to your deceased parents.

I go home twice a year to do the shraadham for my parents. For me it is not a religious trip, I go back to tell them that I continue to miss them every single day and they could have stayed back for some more time, just a bit more.

My mom passed away 12 years back and my father 7 years back. When they were at home, we had a reason to go home. Now we make this as one of the reasons to go back home. 

Shraadham is a small ceremony done in certain temples or at home. I prefer to do it in Thrichambaram temple close to my home. My younger brother prefers to do it at Tirunelli, the only temple in the world where the devotees can perform all the rituals related to one’s life, starting from birth to death and life after death. One of my elder brothers prefers to do it in Tirunavaya, a very sacred place for the Hindus of Kerala from time immemorial. Wherever we do it, we get to do it together, talk about our parents and it becomes a trip back to our childhood.

Unfortunately, this March, my brothers couldn't make it to my father's Shraadham. So, my husband accompanied me.  My mother-in-law strongly believes that once you do the shraadham in Tirunelli, you don't have to do it year after year. She and her siblings get together twice a year at their ancestral home which I think is really nice. Though we have done the Shraaddham in Tirunelli, I feel the need to do it as long as I am able to. I guess, it is more for me and not for my parents! 

For us, the shraaddham starts the day before the actual day, which falls on the same star of the malayalam month. Shraaddham doesn't usually fall on the same date every year. The day before, we observe "orikkal" which means once. Being predominantly rice eaters, we restrict ourselves to rice once a day and hence the name orikkal. 

Shraaddham is done early in the morning and it is always done near a waterbody. This year, I did my father's shraaddham at Thrichambaram temple. There is a small pond known as "pindakkulam" - "pindam" in malayalam means the offering to the ancestors which includes cooked rice and "kulam" means pond and hence the name pindakulam. 

You are expected to take three dips in the pond or river or pour water over your head from the well if you are doing it at home. I took three dips in "Vishnuteertham", it is a beautiful pond with a lot of lotus flowers. This used to be a common bathing pool in my childhood for us, but no more.

The rituals are done in wet clothes and it is a very simple one. You would usually see the following for a shraaddham- black sesame seeds, Cooked rice, Yogurt (you may not see this in some temples), flowers, Sandal wood paste, Kusha grass and Kindi, a typical brass vessel to hold water. The local priest guides you through the process and tells you to do the various offerings. For me, the most difficult part of the process is when he asks you who you are doing the shraddham for. It breaks my heart to say my parents' name year after year. I blindly go through the process as he instructs and I never remember the order in which the offerings are to be made. He, then asks you to pray for their "mukti", redemption. I keep asking them for forgiveness if I have hurt them in anyway. 

I go back to "vishnuteertham" for another set of three dips and from there to the temple in wet clothes to pray. Praying in the temples in wet clothes used to be a common practice in Kerala temples. I feel relieved and at peace when I do the shraaddham. I get to meet my brothers and they remind me of my parents. There is something from each parent that I can see in them and we keep comparing. 

I don't know if the Malayalee, Hindu, Nair customs dictate you to do Shraaddham every year. I do it because it allows me to keep my favourite memories alive and meet my favourite people. That explains why I do it year after year.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Śrāddha
http://www.thirunellitemple.com
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tirunavaya
https://www.keralatourism.org/malayalam-calendar
http://panchatheertha.org/download/Pitru_pooja_2.html

Thrichambaram Utsavam

I come from this place called Thrichambaram in Taliparamba, a small town in those days. When you google for Thrichambaram or Taliparamba, the first thing that you would see is the names of the famous temples in and around! I was born and brought up in this beautiful place! (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taliparamba). For us, people from Thrichambaram, the month of March is very important- wherever you are in the world, the only relevant question is “are you going for the Utsavam”? Thrichambaram temple festival(Utsavam pronounced as Ulsavam) starts on 6th of March and ends on 20th of March (based on the Malayalam calendar).

As kids, more than the festivities around the temple, the markets (ചന്ത in Malayalam) held our attraction. Bangles in all colours and sizes, toys, dolls, balloons- a year long wait was worth it. I
remember looking at Amma expectantly to see if she was going to buy me bangles. It then became a favourite pastime time with my cousin, Bindu, roaming around looking for stuff. Now I look
forward to buying bangles for my nieces, also buying stuff that I really don't need :-) This year, I was back home in March though for a different reason.

From 6th to 16th March, the idols of Krishna and Balaram, the brother who visits him for a fortnight, are taken out in the night (2-3 am)  to a place called “Pookkothu Nadu” very close to my house. I remember my mom waking me up and telling me that she could hear the chendamelam (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chenda), and as we get out of the house, you could (hardly) see and hear the neighbors waking up and going to watch the Utsavam. It would be pitch dark and we would find our way with small torch lights or no lights. one of the many stories my grandmother told me was about an ardent devotee who used to visit the temple every day. As she grew old, she couldn’t walk to the temple everyday. She was heartbroken and Krishna promised to visit her - the trip to Pookkothu Nada is supposed to meet his devotee. It is about 1 km from the temple.

Thousands of people gather to watch Krishna and Balaram. The dance is called “thidambu nritham”. The priests carry the idols on their heads accompanied by chenda, manja Vadi (yellow sticks), alavattom, venjamaram and the traditional torches known as pantham. The idols are heavy(roughly 30 kgs each, I am told). The whole place reverberates with the chanting of “Govinda Govinda”. The brothers are playful and the young and old alike run with them. The brothers tease the crowd and sometimes play along. There are times  when we would head back home thinking the Utsavam is over, but would hear them running all the way back to Pookkothu Nada. Though I used to feel upset about the fact that only boys run, today I am content watching the brothers dance :-) Women aren’t allowed inside the temple during these fourteen days when the brothers are together!!!

On 17th of March, there are no festivities outside the temple. On 18th, Krishna brings his brother along to show him his town “Naadu valam vekkal”. The houses are cleaned and traditional lamps are lit, welcoming them. I had the opportunity to watch naadu valam vekkal after many years this time. It was a first for my husband. I remember waiting for the procession as a child as my mom prepared to light the lamps. I expected the procession to be a small one in this social media age and surprisingly it was really big and with a lot of women accompanying the idols.


The next day is “aarattu” when the brothers take a dip in the pond (chira) together- you would see the devotees taking a dip at same time! The water in the pond then is considered holy and is sprinkled on people around!

The last day is “koodipiriyal” (literal meaning -termination of the meeting)”. Krishna is so playful that he ignores everything when his brother is around. By evening, the brothers come out to play.  While they are playing, Krishna sees someone carrying milk (paloru) and runs behind the milk leaving his brother alone. The only way to distract Krishna to get back to his duties!! Balarama goes/runs back to his temple in Mazhoor (5km away) accompanied by a lot of people chanting “Govinda, Govinda” to return next year! My husband is planning to run next time :-) This festival is also one of the few (or the only one) large temple festivals where there is no presence of elephants in Kerala.

People from Thrichambaram talk for months before the Utsavam and continue to talk about the same for months after. And  I continue to chant the same shloka every day that my mom taught me. Help me watch the Utsavam year after year Krishnaa...

ചിറ്റാടയും ചെറു ചിലമ്പും ഒരോണവില്ലും

പുൽതാലികൾ തുളസിമാലകൾ പൂണ്ട ദേവാ

തൃച്ഛംബരത്തു തിരുവുത്സവവേല കാണാൻ

കൃഷ്ണാ നിനക്കടിമ ഞാനിതാ കൈതൊഴുന്നേൻ

For alavattom and venjamaram pictures:
https://www.google.co.in/search?q=alavattom&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari#imgrc=r8h6uOdCOTUKBM:

https://www.google.co.in/search?q=venjamaram&client=safari&hl=en-gb&prmd=mvin&ei=j9atWuCJO4T8vATgwYSwDw&start=0&sa=N&biw=375&bih=628#imgrc=GRNEV03pf3Ju3M:

For details on "thidambu nritham"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thidambu_Nritham

One in two million women

While the rest of the country was celebrating Holi(the festival of colours), I was among a million plus women offering Pongala to goddess Attukalamma. Pongala means “to boil over”. Pongala - a sweet rice dish is prepared and offered to the goddess on this day at a particular time. 

This festival is celebrated on the 9th day of the aattukal ulsavam and the city of Thiruvananthapuram  gets into a frenzy! You will see the preparations starting days in advance. Earthen pots, bricks will be available in every nook and corner of the city. Shops would sell you all the required material to make Pongala! Read more at http://attukal.org/pongala18/pongala18.htm

I spent 4 wonderful years in this city during my engineering degree course. This wasn’t a well known festival 25 years back. Over the years it has become a large gathering of women from various parts of the world and somewhat commercialised. The Guinness book of world records for the largest gathering of women (estimated at 1.9 M) was awarded to this festival couple of years back. This year an estimated number of 2.4 million women offered Pongala.

I landed the day before at 9pm and was a bit worried when I heard the flight attendant say that the temperature was 30 degrees! The prospect of making Pongala out in the sun next day was a bit daunting. I could see that the footpaths and road sides were earmarked/ reserved for the next day much in advance. Fortunately, my aunts had booked at a hotel, who promised us a place to do Pongala right next to the hotel. If you land up unprepared, it is unlikely that you will find a place that day. Empty plots, roads (Appx 10 km radius from the temple), large courtyards are all used. 

On the day of Pongala, we landed up at our designated place at about 10 AM with whatever stuff my aunts had bought at our designated spot. It was already hot and humid. After seeing how we were scrambling around to do stuff, people who were doing Pongala next to us just took charge, told us what to do and helped us with stuff that we didn’t have. Our neighbor had flown in from Dubai, my cousin from US! I knew that a number of close family members were in the city somewhere offering Pongala, but meeting them were impossible because nothing else happens in the city that day! There are no vehicles plying in most of the roads since they are blocked for the occasion.

Pongala, traditionally is made in earthen pots and cooked over fire in the open space. The heat, the wind and the smoke are things that you are subjected for couple of hours. But you don’t realise or feel any of this since you are so focused on making sure the rice and water boils over from the pot and helps you get the blessings of the goddess. It has been a while since any of us had done cooking over the fire built from wood! So initially it was a bit of a struggle. The fire to light the wood comes from the temple at a pre-designated time. The excitement rises when you see it get transferred from one stove to another. The bricks, the pots and the spoons (made out of coconut shell and wood) are brand new! We struggled to control the fire a bit and were on track quickly.

We were also told that we can’t check if the rice is cooked well before you add “sarkkara” (raw sugar) and coconut. You just have to know when to add them.

There were a few anxious moments before the Pongala boiled over successfully. We were told to put the lid on(traditionally done with a banana leaf) and told to sit somewhere and take rest. Usually people sit near the pots till the “teertham” (holy water) from the temple comes. Since ours was a bit modernised pongala, we went back to our rooms to the comfort of the air conditioners. The announcement to assemble back came at 2 and the next daunting task began. The Pongala is done bare foot. By the time we came back, the roads were so hot that we could hardly put our foot done. We managed with some left over banana leaves and newspapers. The theertham came at 2:45 pm and we were done. We carried our pots back to the rooms, ate some Pongala and packed the rest for the family.

The city returns back to normal in couple of hours. The corporation staff and volunteers clean the whole city in no time. The bricks get used to build houses for the economically challenged section of the society!

It was a fulfilling experience, and so much of fun being the little sister/niece after so many years :-)